I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
