So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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