Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
