So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
