my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
