hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish there were birth control emojis
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
