Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
