I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
