i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting