Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you just see the Batmobile???
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha