I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks