Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.