it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
