How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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