The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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