Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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