I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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