If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
