Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found puke in my bra..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
