whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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