from now on my penis is your penis
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
