i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
