No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
