what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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