Can Purell be used as lube?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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