sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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