He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
