are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
