I wish I could teleport
Me too!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
