I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
