Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
