I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
