She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
