who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
