Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
