My hand turned me down
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
