he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
