My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
