Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
