I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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