There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
