I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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