There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
