I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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