Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
