you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
