I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
