i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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