If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
