Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
