I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
