Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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