sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
