she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
