why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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