Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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