I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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