You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
