cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
