thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
