i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
