Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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