i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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