the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
