I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
