i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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