I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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