I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
