get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
