when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
