What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
