i'm signing you up for texting rehab
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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