all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
