Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
