yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
