He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
